F*ck ‘The Rules’: Why It’s OK For Women To Send The First Text

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Post by: Laura Argintar

I like to think that in 2014, we’ve come a long way in our journey into womanhood. We can wear skirts AND pants. We can carry condoms without concern for our reputations.

We can CHOOSE what meal to cook for our husbands — or not to cook at all. Despite our super-progressive outlooks, there’s one area of new-age courtship that many women are still hesitant to try on for size: texting a guy you like first.

There are many advanced women out there who will sleep with a man after five minutes, but still believe that the man should be the first to initiate conversation. (Uh, so what do you do when you want to say something? Wait until you are spoken to? That seems rather antiquated…)

These same women are all still single and actively trying and failing to nab boyfriends. Why? Because they need to not be afraid of their own voices, find the confidence to go after what they want and forget these useless, frustrating dating “rules.”

We’re scared to send the first text because we’re afraid we’ll come across as too eager, too available or maybe there’s a chance he won’t respond back.

While all of those things can be mildly upsetting and borderline traumatizing — guess what — that’s called Dating. If you never initiate and go for the guy you want, sure you may not get hurt, but you also won’t win. Ever.

Guys can be quietly insecure. They may never reveal their dating anxieties to you until months into the relationship (“When we first started hooking up I was soooo nervous.”) but that doesn’t mean they aren’t present.

Don’t view your text message as a make-or-break moment because it’s not. It’s a window for a guy to pursue you back.

People who are petty make it more monumental than it needs to be. The same immature people who keep score and play games at the beginning of relationships are the same losers who overanalyze the meaning of the first text.

Whatever past actions or present interactions happened, HAPPENED. A bad text or great text has no bearing on that.

The worst he can say in response is, “Well, she’s a bad texter for sure” and then you two can laugh about it later while you’re holding hands and feeding each other ice cream in a park.

Provided it doesn’t say something outrageously stupid (I once accidentally sent a “I think I want to marry him” text about the guy I liked TO the guy I liked… yup I’m that girl), a regular first text has no more power than casually saying “Hi.” It’s the desperate people who hype it up too much.

This guy who you are afraid to text is most likely hoping you will be the first to reach out. Especially after just meeting once, a guy needs a little reassurance that you’re interested.

Girl who f*cked the guy on the first night and is now afraid to initiate, I’m looking at YOU.

Why now are you choosing to be shy? Now is when you need to lace up your confidence suit, put yourself out there and go for it. You lose nothing by sending a friendly text and everything by assuming he will do it for you.

Ladies, he just shelled out an upwards of $100 to take you to drinks and dinner and a cab ride home — he’s pressing pause on doing more things for you until he makes sure you’re interested back.

Be a grown ass woman, understand it’s just a simple moment and accept that it doesn’t have this profound effect on the outcome of your relationship. You’ll thank me for the tough love after that ice cream cone.

Here is why it’s okay for a woman to make the first move:

It shows that you’re interested

Rather than have him play the guessing game of does she like me? due to your silence, pick up the phone and make it clear to him that you do. Your heart is for the taking provided that you offer it first.

Confidence is sexy

Initiating the opening move lets a guy know that you’re your own person and you’re comfortable with yourself. Those are both very attractive qualities and sure beat out the insecure, unauthentic girl who can’t muster the nerve to be herself.

The rare man who turns down the confident women is still sleeping with college girls and foolishly thinking he’s winning.

It gives him a window

This is what an easy text does: It makes him feel comfortable enough to then initiate more plans or say whatsup or send a silly GIF or basically find an excuse to talk to you (if he’s into chatting over text).

If you give an inch, he’ll give a foot. Because he likes you. You like him. T his is how this stuff works when it’s real.

Quietly insecure dudes need it

Here’s the mansplaining: “If a girl doesn’t text you first, you think she doesn’t want it.” Insecure guys don’t think they are desirable, so when you don’t make the first move, they automatically assume it’s because you don’t like them. Stop the game before it happens.

 

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