By: Julie Keating
If you want to play hard to get with a girl, you need to learn to read the signs and know just how to respond. And it’s a risky and delicate balance!
There are many dating “things” that have existed since the beginning, well probably, of dating but what is the truth behind whether they work or do more harm than good? Should you really play hard to get with a girl? Is that ethically right? And most importantly, are there times when you HAVE to do it?
Playing hard to get means so many things to so many people. The theory behind playing hard to get is that you try to convince someone that you are worthy of them waiting for you, that you can’t be bought, or that you can’t be taken advantage of. The harder someone is to get, the theory holds, the more that you want them.
In terms of psychology, that would make sense. Those things that we can’t have are the very things that we often want more than anything. Why do we want them? Well, simply because because we can’t have them.
When it comes to girls and attracting them, however, does playing hard to get really work? If you are too eager, show a girl all the cards that you have too early, or follow them around obsessively, that is a huge turnoff, but so too is a guy who can’t seem to be bothered with us.
Playing hard to get with a girl: How and when to do it
There has to be some happy medium, but you are probably confused about where that is. The biggest reason you are confused is that it is different for every girl. If you want to play hard to get with a girl, you need to remember that girls are not only different from each other, they are different from year to year, day to day and sometimes even minute to minute!
A tactic that may work one day will be a huge turn off the next. As difficult it may seem to do, you have to learn to listen to the signs that she is feeding you to know how to play hard to get with her. These are the top signs she is sending you and how to react to them, either by playing hard to get or quitting the games all together.
#1 She is extremely nervous around you
If she is showing signs of being nervous or insecure around you, that is a sign that she really likes you and probably thinks you may be out of her league. In situations where a girl is not very secure about herself or thinks that you may be out of her league, you don’t want to play hard to get.
If she senses that you aren’t into her, and she is a shy person, she will likely just decide not to play the game. If you don’t answer her, or ignore her, she will assume that you don’t like her and will not put forth the effort to take things any further.
With a shy girl, she isn’t not texting you because she is playing a game, she is likely lacking the confidence to make the first move. Don’t make the mistake to think that she is playing games, sitting on the sidelines isn’t going to get you anywhere with this type of girl.
#2 She acts like she can’t be bothered by you
If she is only giving you attention when she feels like it, then she is probably playing games with you. Girls only have two ways of dealing with things, if she likes you, she will engage, if she doesn’t, she will probably not even answer you
With the kind of girl who is only halfway in, she probably is very secure in herself and is looking for a mate who will challenge her. If she is only answering you when it is convenient for her, then you have to fight fire with fire. If you are too eager, text too much, or come on too strong, she will feel like she has control over you and will probably not respect you enough to make you her long-term guy.
The best thing to do with this type of girl is to wait for her to make the first move, then don’t answer right away. Make her come to you. Never seem eager, or go the extra mile until you are sure that she will do the same for you. Equality is the key to winning over a girl who is confident, cares less and knows what she wants.
#3 She is really frustrated with you
If you are sensing anger from her, then you are probably doing the wrong thing. The last thing you want to do is to frustrate her. There are certain behaviors that some guys exhibit that bring out the crazy in girls. Don’t do that. Once you bring out the crazy eyes, they never go back in. A girl who feels as if she is being played, or played with, is going to react with aggression and anger.
Playing hard to get here is definitely the wrong road to go down and can start your relationship off on the wrong foot. If you notice that you are getting sarcastic messages from her, angry texts or just downright mean replies, you are going overboard. It is time to back off and stop pretending like you don’t like her if you really do.
You want to get her to find you attractive, not repulsive. Making her feel frustrated and angry will eventually lead to dumpsville.
#4 She seems hurt by your behavior
Sometimes, guys think that playing hard to get means that you tell a girl you are going to do something, and then at the last minute, change your mind or just don’t show up. That is not playing hard to get, that is being downright rude and insensitive.
If you want to play hard to get with a girl the right way, it should be about making her wait just a little longer for a text message, or holding back on telling her that you want her to be your future wife. It is not about being an ass, blowing her off, or making her feel insecure or insignificant.
You aren’t in grade school anymore, hitting her in the arm, or hurting her feelings didn’t work back then, and it isn’t going to work now. It will just make her think you aren’t a very nice person.
#5 She is coming up with stupid excuses to avoid you
If you ask her to meet you or you ask her out, is she coming up with stupid excuses? It is time to stop and back away. There is a difference between playing hard to get and just letting things go. If you feel like she isn’t interested, pushing her further isn’t going to make her interested, it is going to make her want to avoid you all together.
That old phrase about if you love something let it go, if it was meant to be, you will know, is true. If she is making up excuses not to be around you, then it isn’t really about playing hard to get, it is about truly making the decision to move on. You will know quickly whether she is interested. Once you stop calling, if she wants you, she will reach out to you. Don’t wait a week and think I should try again… you shouldn’t, ever.
#6 She was really into you and now she is pulling away
Girls aren’t like guys. If they are pulling away, it is because there is something about you that she feels isn’t right, or she is losing attraction. The worst thing you can do at this point is to push her harder. If you feel her trying to cool things off, that is a situation when you should definitely “play hard to get.” The harder you push her, the more she will pull away.
If you aren’t getting much back, don’t reach out much. Go out with your friends or find other things to do and have the mentality that if she wants to join in, she will let you know. You have to put the seed out that you would like her to join, if she doesn’t catch the bait, go without her.
If she is on the fence, it isn’t as much about playing hard to get as it is about just taking a step back and giving her the space to figure out for herself what she wants out of the relationship.
Men make the mistake of thinking that girls want a guy to play games. We hate when we feel like we are being played with. There is definitely something attractive about a guy who is self-assured and doesn’t feel the need to cling, but by nature, we want to feel wanted.
If you show us that you are aren’t interested, frustrate us, or smother us, then we are likely to move on. Stop researching on how to play a game and try to listen to what she is telling you with her behavior. There are signs all around you, just stop to take the time to discover not what women in general want, but what the woman you like wants, and your relationship will have a much higher likelihood of success.
The problem with playing hard to get with a girl is that once you start playing games, they are hard to stop and you don’t want to spend a relationship altering who you are, what you want and the person you are. If she needs space, give it to her, but have enough self confidence to know that if she isn’t into you, someone else will be.
Showing her how great you are by continuing to be in her face just seems desperate. But being rude, negligent or pretending that you don’t care for her is not the answer either. Believe in yourself and she will see you as something worthy of her time and attention.
Playing games to control each other sounds like fun, but in the long run, you’re not progressing nor are either of you feeling secure or loved. You can go ahead and play hard to get with a girl, but really, where do you see that going?