By: Natasha Ivanovic
The unspoken guy code rules, of course, it exists. If you didn’t know, you’re failing your fellow men. It’s time to inform yourself and help out your friend.
Let’s just get this out of the way—if you’ve notoriously broken the guy code rules, then I’m going to say you probably don’t have a lot of friends. The guy code is sacred.
You think this code was made up just for giggles? This code was created for all men to follow. It’s an unspoken oath each male baby takes upon leaving the womb. Yes, it’s that serious.
The guy code rules you need to know
If you didn’t know before, now you know. Here are the 22 rules of guy code that can never be broken.
#1 Your sister’s friend is off limits. Unless you plan on marrying her, under no circumstances can you try to get with your friend’s sister. No matter how attractive she is, if things go bad between the two of you, your friend will be forced to take the side of his sister. Family is family. So, don’t touch her.
#2 If your friend’s girlfriend asks you any questions, you deny knowing anything. You don’t know where he is, what he said, where he went. Not only is this backing your friend, this is also saving yourself from scrutiny. Not knowing is better than knowing in this case.
#3 You must greet your friend appropriately. This means:
A hug cannot come before a handshake.
A hug must be accompanied with a pat on the back.
No high fives or fist bumps. Ever. This isn’t Jersey Shore.
#4 You must inform him if he is dressed horribly. If your friend is wearing a neon green polo with pink shoes, you are obligated to tell him he looks horrible. You are as strong as your weakest link, and he’s hitting an all-time low, so get that guy back in the saddle. Unless you’re also wearing the same outfit, then rock it together.
#5 Avoid uncomfortable urinal confrontations. This is very easy. A man shall not take the urinal beside another man. You must leave at least one empty urinal in between each other. In addition, do not use the short urinal nor make noises while shaking yourself dry. It’s weird.
#6 Unless your friend murdered someone, you bail them out of jail. You go to the bank, collect all your pennies and hand them over to the police. He’ll pay you back, don’t worry. Point is, if in jail, you pay the bail. Liked that rhyme action there, eh?
#7 If your drunk friend is about to cheat on his girlfriend, you must follow through with one intervention. Make him aware of the choice he is about to make. If he replies with “f*ck you,” then you are free from any responsibility from that time onward. You are then also no longer obligated to listen to him talk about it the next day.
#8 Never speak about it again rule. If you accidentally graze or touch another man below the waist, it’s already agreed upon as an accident and there will be no mention of it ever.
#9 A bet is a bet. If a bet is made, no matter what, the loser must follow through with his obligations to carry out his side of the bet. This includes doing embarrassing acts or monetary compensation. If he refuses to pay or carry out the duties, you must settle upon an agreement.
#10 Wingman duties. If you have a girlfriend and go out to the club with your friends, you are automatically given the job as wingman. From there on out, you must support your friends until they achieve their ultimate goal, whatever that may be *as long as it’s consensual*.
#11 Speedos are out. Unless you are Michael Phelps, you are prohibited from wearing a speedo. Come on guys, I know it’s summer, just take it easy, the ladies will come, just give it some time.
#12 Respect another man’s boundary. Every guy has his own personal line. Understand where their line is and do not pass that line. If you don’t like where the line is, avoid hanging out with this guy.
#13 Internet buffer. If something tragic happens to your friend, the first thing you must do is delete their internet history.
#14 Don’t brag about how many girls you’ve slept with. Sure, it’s probably an impressive number, but no one cares and you look like an asshole. Don’t be that asshole.
#15 Pranking your friends is seen as bonding. If you decide to engage in pranking, make sure that these three things will not happen:
Will not result in a trip to the ER.
Will not result with you stealing their phone.
Will not result in you or him being in financial debt.
#16 Do not ditch your friends for a girl. Unless, this is the girl you’ve been talking about for weeks and everyone is aware of how badly you want her. If she’s some girl you met this morning at the Starbucks line and she seems “okay,” you can see her tomorrow.
#17 Don’t let your friend drive home wasted. Dish out the money for a cab, and hand him the receipt the next morning.
#18 Back up your friend. If your friend gets into a fight and you’re unable to calm the situation, back your friend. Even if he’s wrong and an idiot, he’s your idiot.
#19 Don’t give another man advice on working out unless he asks you. He realizes he has small arms, he has a mirror. Giving out unsolicited advice makes you sound like an asshole.
#20 Best man, best stripper. If given the title of best man at your friend’s wedding, you’re entitled with the duty of preparing the bachelor party. This means, regardless of what he says, you must provide him with a stripper.
#21 You must own at least one suit. This can be worn to weddings, funerals, graduations, special dates. Plus, you’ll look hot.
#22 If you ask a girl on a date, then you’re supposed to pay. If it was a mutual decision, then you can go dutch on the bill.
These guy code rules all men must follow. If you read this, it’s done, it’s now a part of you.